The film is over, but the adventure continues...

Your favourite quotes from the film...

(we would love to get all your them in to )

  • Kate: In twelve years, the baby will be eleven and a half.


  • Scientist: [regarding the shark Zissou is hunting] What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?
    Steve Zissou: Revenge.

More random quotes (most from IMDB)

Steve Zissou: We'll split into two groups. I'll take Ned, Ogata, and Wolodarsky.
Klaus Daimler: [pouting] Thanks. Thanks a lot for not picking me.

Ned Plimpton: I'm gonna fight you, Steve.
[Steve hits Ned in the face]
Steve Zissou: You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch.
Ned Plimpton: You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
Steve Zissou: Oh, listen, Ned. Don't you try to…
[Ned hits Steve in the face]
Steve Zissou: I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.

We have a fantastic range of TEAM ZISSOU clothing (though no speedos as yet)...

Visit it the shop to see the whole range Click to order from Europe or North America


Steve Zissou: I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it.

Steve Zissou: I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. Possibly with dynamite.

Klaus Daimler: Who the shit is Kingsley Zissou?

Steve Zissou: Don't point that gun at him, he's an unpaid intern.

Steve Zissou: Anne-Marie, do all the interns get Glocks?
Anne-Marie Sakowitz: No, they have to share one.

[sees Steve and Ned fighting and smiles]
Klaus Daimler: Are you two fighting?
Steve Zissou: I'll deal with you later.

Jane Winslett-Richardson: I need a baby for this father.
Steve Zissou: I think I know what you mean.

Steve Zissou: [bursts onto the surface from an underwater dive, shouting hysterically. Written text of what Steve is shouting rolls onto the screen as he speaks] Shark-like fish... ten meters in length... irregular markings... I tagged it with a homing dart...
[camera zooms in on Steve]
Steve Zissou: [shouts] Esteban was eaten!
Klaus Daimler: Is he dead?
Steve Zissou: He was eaten!
Klaus Daimler: A shark bit him?
Steve Zissou: A shark *ate* him!
Klaus Daimler: [shocked] It swallowed him whole?
Steve Zissou: No!... *Chewed*!
Klaus Daimler: [to the camera] He's got hydrogen psychosis, the crazy-eye!
[camera zooms in on Steve's face - his eyes are dilated ridiculously large, actor is wearing fake contacts]
Klaus Daimler: Steve! They say you've got crazy-eye!
Steve Zissou: Esteban was eaten! Esteban! Esteban! Esteban!...
[Steve keeps shouting Esteban's name in a delirious staccato while thrashing uncontrollably in the water. Camera pulls off of Steve but he's still shouting in the background]
Klaus Daimler: [Steve is delirious in the water - Klaus looks at the camera - the following is in a crazy German accent with a concerned inflection] Get him out of the fucking water.
[a moment later, Klaus jumps into the water to get Steve, still wearing all of his normal clothes and not bothering to take his shoes off]

[Hennessey is playing poker with Filipinos who have kidnapped him and Zissou bursts into the room accidentally]
Alistair Hennessey: Steven, are you rescuing me?
Alistair Hennessey: Fold.
[a pirate quickly shoots Hennessey in the chest, knocking him backwards in his chair and down to the floor - large gunfight begins]

Steve Zissou: You really think you can hit the sauce with a bun in the oven?

Oseary Drakoulias: You must swear, legally swear that you will not kill that shark, or whatever it is, if it exists.
Steve Zissou: I'll fight it, but I'll let it live... now what about my dynamite?

Oseary Drakoulias: [to assistant] Phillip, dynamite.

Steve Zissou: Where'd you come from? You look pregnant.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: I am pregnant. I'm not even going to ask what you men are doing in your matching pajamas.

Steve Zissou: [to Ogata and Pele] What are you doing? Go to bed you sons of bitches!

Steve Zissou: Can you hear the Jack Whales singing?
Ned Plimpton: [Tanker goes off] Beautiful. I wonder what they're saying.
Steve Zissou: Well actually that's a Sludge Tanker over there...
[Several whales sing]
Steve Zissou: There you go!

Steve Zissou: Remind me to send him a red cap and a Speedo.

Ned Plimpton: Are we being attacked by hijackers?
Steve Zissou: Out here we call them "pirates".

Steve Zissou: You're supposed to be my son, right?
Ned Plimpton: I don't know. But I did want meet you, just in case.
Ned Plimpton: I've never seen so many electric jellyfish in all my life!

Steve Zissou: I'll find it, but I won't kill it. Now, what about my dynamite?
[last lines]

Steve Zissou: This is an adventure.

Alistair Hennessey: How are things going with your - what are you calling it? Leopard fish?
Steve Zissou: Jaguar shark.
Alistair Hennessey: Jaguar shark! So tell me - does it really exist?
Steve Zissou: [hesitant] You know, Allie, I don't want to give away the ending.

Steve Zissou: Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat, and throw them in the water.
Steve Zissou: No, wait. They might have another set. Just blow it up.

Steve Zissou: Son of a bitch, I'm sick of those dolphins.

Alistair Hennessey: [after hitting Cody, the three-legged dog with a rolled up news paper] Cody, be still.

Steve Zissou: [looking at a map] Your way's four inches, mine is an inch and a half. Do you want to pay for the extra gas?

Anne-Marie Sakowitz: Do you know that you just charted us on a course through unprotected waters?
Steve Zissou: Yeah, we're taking the shortcut.
Anne-Marie Sakowitz: But it's outside I.M.U. jurisdiction. There isn't any protection.
Steve Zissou: I know, honey. Look at the map. We go your way, that's about four inches. We go my way, it's an inch and a half. You wanna pay for the extra gas?

Oseary Drakoulias: We swam with the... Oh, damn, I had it on the plane.

Steve Zissou: Supposedly Cousteau and his cronies invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies into the helmet. But we made ours with a special rabbit ear on the top so we could pipe in some music.

Antonia Cook: You must be so excited.
Steve Zissou: I hope so. You think it went OK?
Antonia Cook: No. Congratulations... Seriously.
Steve Zissou: Thanks. I wish it didn't require the "seriously," but thank you.

Ned Plimpton: Why didn't you contact me?
Steve Zissou: Because I hate fathers, and I never wanted to be one.

Steve Zissou: Are you sure?
Klaus Daimler: Yes, I am.
Steve Zissou: I don't understand. Why?
Klaus Daimler: What do you mean?.. Wait a second. What are we doing? You said cross the line if.
Steve Zissou: Cross the line if you're going to quit.
Klaus Daimler: Oh.. Do it again. I misunderstood.

Eleanor Zissou: Oh, Shit. What do you want?
Steve Zissou: Do you mind if I butter you up a little before I answer that question?
Eleanor Zissou: Yes, I do. Tell me now.
Steve Zissou: [takes a deep breath] I need some money to get the boat out of hock and rescue my bond company stooge who got kidnapped. Could we ask your parents to loan it to me?
Eleanor Zissou: No.
Steve Zissou: Okay. Could I go ahead and butter you up anyway? It took me two and a half hours to get out here.
Steve Zissou: You know, I'd be jealous about you staying at Allie's place, except I always thought he was kind of a closet queer.

Steve Zissou: You might be on "B" Squad, But you're the "B" Squad leader. Don't you know me and Esteban always thought of you as our baby brother?
Klaus Daimler: I've always thought of you two as my dads. Please don't let any one make fun of me for saying so.
Steve Zissou: I can't guarantee that, Klausie, but I'll try.

Steve Zissou: Oh, shit! Swamp leeches. Everybody, check for swamp leeches, and pull them off... Nobody else got hit? I'm the only one? What's the deal?

Steve Zissou: Go downstairs and throw a tarp over anything that says "Operation Henessey" on it.

[on Eleanor]
Alistair Hennessey: We were both bad husbands, weren't we? But I had an excuse. I'm part gay.

Steve Zissou: That pregnant slut is playing us like a cheap fiddle!

Jane Winslett-Richardson: You're too old for me, Steve.
Steve Zissou: Yeah, well, you're pregnant.

Steve Zissou: I hope you don't bust out chops on this on, Bill.
Bill Ubell: What do you mean?
Steve Zissou: Your a bond company stooge.
Bill Ubell: Yea, well, I'm also a human being.
Steve Zissou: Sorry. I take that back. OK, let's have some teamsmanship.

[places hand in center of himself, Nill and Ned, others look confused, put hand on top of Steve's]
Steve Zissou, Bill Ubell, Ned Plimpton: Ho!
Ned Plimpton: [introducing himself] Captain Zissou my name is Ned Plympton...
Steve Zissou: [congratulating him] OK, man.
Alistair Hennessey: Is this my espresso machine? Wh-what is-h-how did you get my espresso machine?
Bill Ubell: Well... uh... we fuckin' stole it, man.
Steve Zissou: [referring to the shark that ate his friend, Esteban] Do you think it remembers me?
Jane Winslett-Richardson: [fearing the Jaguar Shark might attack them in their sub] Do you think we're safe inside here?
Steve Zissou: Probably not.
Steve Zissou: [before a helicopter crash] This is gonna hurt.
[Vikram is filming Steve next to a screen with the homing dart signal indicating the location of the Jaguar Shark]
Steve Zissou: Okay, action.
[points to the dot]
Steve Zissou: Well, look who's back in town. You've traveled over 150 miles since we last heard from you. This son of a bitch is heading for the South Pacific.
[Jane enters the room]
Steve Zissou: Turn on your tape recorder, cubbie.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: Is it the Jaguar Shark?
Steve Zissou: On the record, yes. Cut. Print both takes, Vikram.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: Was I... just in the film?
Steve Zissou: Yeah. You're gonna have to sign a release.
Steve Zissou: Hey intern, get me a Campari.
Intern #1: On the rocks?
Steve Zissou: [gives him the "gun" thumbs up salute]
Steve Zissou: Don't be nice to Allie, he's my nemesis.
Klaus Daimler: So, you really think you're a Zissou.
Ned Plimpton: I don't know.
Klaus Daimler: Well, you traveled a long way for "I don't know," sonny.
Ned Plimpton: That's true. But it's important to me.
Klaus Daimler: Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things that are important to some people around here, sonny.
Ned Plimpton: Klaus, don't call me "sonny."
Klaus Daimler: And one more thing: It's the Steve Zissou show, not the Ned show.
[Klaus slaps Ned in the face]
Klaus Daimler: You hear me?
Ned Plimpton: Yes, I do.
[Klaus starts walking away]
Ned Plimpton: Klaus?
Klaus Daimler: Ja?
Ned Plimpton: If you ever touch me again, I will kick your goddamn teeth out. Is *that* understood?
Klaus Daimler: Not if I don't see you first, sonny.
Steve Zissou: I hope you're not going to bust our chops, Bill.
Bill Ubell: Why would I do that?
Steve Zissou: Because you're a bond company stooge.
Bill Ubell: [scoffs] I'm also a human being.
Steve Zissou: All right. I take that back.
[Steve opens the safe which contained Ned's inheritance money, but finds it to be empty, with a hole burned on the other side]
Steve Zissou: That's it. I'm retired.
Alistair Hennessey: I'm so pissed I could spit!
Jane Winslett-Richardson: In twelve years, the baby will be eleven and a half.
Steve Zissou: [pause] That was my favorite age.
Ned Plimpton: Why didn't you ever try to contact me?
Steve Zissou: Because I hate fathers, and I never wanted to be one.
Steve Zissou: [pulling a gun on Jane Winslett-Richardson] Does this look real?
Steve Zissou: If you're not against me, don't cross this line! If yes, do.
Steve Zissou: I dunno, I think that bull-dyke reporter is gonna burn us.
Ned Plimpton: I don't think she's a lesbian, dad. She's pregnant.
Steve Zissou: Are you finding what you were looking for... out here with me? I hope so.
Steve Zissou: [smoking a joint and looks at Ned] You wanna kill this?
Steve Zissou: [overhears a few men talking about Steve's last movie] Are those assholes talking about me?
Jane Winslett-Richardson: What are you doing in my effing room?
Steve Zissou: Why don't you just cuss?
Jane Winslett-Richardson: Because I'm trying to break the habit before I have my fucking baby!
Steve Zissou: Holy shit son of a bitch.
Alistair Hennessey: You're the most ravishing creature that I've ever seen in my life.
Eleanor Zissou: Hello Skinny.
Alistair Hennessey: Hello Eleanor.
Eleanor Zissou: Is that a new merit badge?
Alistair Hennessey: Oh, yeah, as a matter of fact it is. I just became a Knight in Portugal, the Presidente gave a special ball...
Steve Zissou: Don't be nice to Ali, he's my nemesis.
Steve Zissou: [introducing his 'son' Ned to Oseary Drakoulias only a few seconds after Steve himself met Ned] Oseary, this is probably my son Ned.
[first lines]
[in Italian]
Festival Director: Ladies and gentlemen, we are very pleased to welcome you to the world premiere of Part 1 of the newest film from a great favorite of ours here at Loquasto, Mr. Steve Zissou. A brief Q & A will immediately follow the screening. Thank you.
Steve Zissou: No, I dropped my camera... Why are they laughing?
Steve Zissou: [talking about two men who were talking about him] People say that when someone says something like that, it's because they're jealous. But it still hurts. It hurts bad.
Ned Plimpton: That man was damn rude. He can go straight to hell.
Steve Zissou: [after pirates have boarded his ship, being bound and blindfolded]
[starts chewing through the rope binding his hands together]
Steve Zissou: Here we go.
Klaus Daimler: Steve, what are you doing?
Steve Zissou: [stands up and turns toward the nearest pirate] I said get your ass the hell off of my boat!
Steve Zissou: [after chasing the pirates away]
[talking about the three-legged dog on his ship]
Steve Zissou: What a bunch of fucking amateurs. You left your dog, you idiots!
Steve Zissou: We complete the adventure... but another member of our crew has been lost. This one was my son.
[pointing to "N" on the flag]
Steve Zissou: Also our equity partner... We start the voyage home in our wounded vessel.

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