Script for The Life Aquatic


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The Oubyamywe Peninsula.

A remote and fascinating region
teeming with extraordinary marine life.

We chose its mysterious waters
as the Belafonte's next destination.

In preparation
for our voyage...

the members of Team Zissou gathered at
my oceanographic observatory...

here on Pescespada Island.

This was to be our most
ambitious adventure to date...

and ultimately
a tragic one.

Our team included...

Esteban du Plantier,
chief diver...

our senior statesman,
my closest colleague for years;

Klaus Daimler, engineer-
calm, collected, German;

Vikram Ray, cameraman -
born on the Ganges;

Bobby Ogata, frogman;

Renzo Pietro,
editor, soundman;

Vladimir Wolodarsky, physicist,
original score composer;

Anne-Marie Sakowitz,
script girl;

Pele dos Santos,
safety expert;

Eleanor Zissou, my wife,
vice president of the Zissou Society.

We had also invited seven marine science
students from the University of North Alaska...

to accompany us as unpaid interns
in exchange for school credit.

October . Esteban and I explore
the blue reefs beyond the peninsula.

Fluorescent snapper
unexpectedly appear in the shallows -

extremely rare at this depth.

Where's your gun?

Steve! Steve!

- Where's Esteban?
- Is that thing rolling, Vikram?

Encounter with highly abnormal sharklike fish!

Ten meters in length,
unfamiliar dorsal features, spots all over it!

I shot it dorsally with a homing dart!

Esteban was eaten!

Check the scanning monitor!
Start tracking before it dives too deep!

- Esteban was bitten?
- Eaten!

- Is he dead?
- Esteban was eaten!

- He was swallowed whole?
- No! Chewed!

Check the scanning monitor!

He's got hydrogen psychosis.

Steve, we think
you got crazy-eye.

- Get him out of the fucking water.
- Esteban!

- Esteban! Esteban!
- Why'd you throw it over?

- Esteban! Esteban!
- It's gone.

- Steve!
- Esteban!

Esteban! Esteban!


Was it a deliberate choice
never to show the jaguar shark?

No. I dropped the camera.

Why are they laughing?

Yes, what's next
for Team Zissou?

Well, that was only part one.
It's a cliffhanger.

Now I'm gonna go hunt down that shark,
or whatever it is...

and hopefully kill it.

I don't know how yet.
Maybe dynamite.

- You don't know what it is?
- Thank you.

- No. I've never seen anything
like it before in my life.
- You say it is a jaguar shark.

That's the title of your film.

It was coming right at us. I just said
the first two words that came into my head.

That's an endangered species at most.

What would be the scientific purpose
of killing it?


What fun!

I'd like to introduce you to Antonia Cook.
She's the new head of the film society.

You must be so excited.

I hope so.
You think it went okay?

No, congratulations.

- Seriously.
- Thanks.

I wish it didn't require the "seriously,"
but thank you.

Well, I just don't
think they got it.

- Steve!
- Shit turnout tonight.

- You know Larry Amin, chairman of Saudifilm.
- Oh, yeah. Hi.

- Nice to see you.
- Larry and I were just discussing
our financial predicament.

I thought it would be nice if
the three of us rode out to the party together.

Why? Does Larry have that kind of
spending bread to invest?

- The king's backing him now.
- I just got $ million
capitalization from the king.

- Can I get a shot of you with Captain Hennessey?
- Where?

Make it quick.

Hey, Steven. How's everything going
with your, uh -

- What are you calling it? Leopard... fish?
- Jaguar shark.

Jaguar shark.
Exactly. I love it.

Tell me something -
Does it actually exist?

You know, Allie,
I don't wanna give away the ending.

Good man.

Oh, here comes our girl.

You're the most ravishing creature
that I've ever seen in my life.

- Hello, Skinny.
- Hello, Eleanor.

Is that a new merit badge?

As a matter of fact, it is.

I just became a knight in Portugal.

The presidente gave
a special ball and -

Don't be nice to Allie.
He's my nemesis.

How could you
lay that slick faggot?

Well, I was in love with him
at the time.

Yeah, he's charismatic.

How are you feeling?

I'm right on the edge.
I don't know what comes next.

Wait here.
I'll be right back.

I just wanted
to say hello.

- Hi.
- Hey, baby.

I said I wanted to say hello.
I didn't say I wanted you to touch me.

I'm here with my wife.

Eleanor, this is Mandeeza.
Mandeeza -

Do we really wanna put me through this?

People say Eleanor is the brains
behind Team Zissou.

What is Steve?

He's the Zissou.


This is my little nephew,

He wanted to meet you.

- How you doing, Werner?
- He brought you a present.

A crayon pony-fish.


Interesting specimen.

- Thanks, pal.
- You're welcome.


You don't look too good.

How's this?

Steve, there's a bloke over there
wants a word with you.

What do you need, old man?

How many of these
do you have?

All right, look,
just forge the rest of 'em yourself.

Get out of here.

Hey, Steve! How come you're not
sittin' shivah for your friend Esteban?

What'd you say?

Who you gonna kill
in part two?

Steve! Stop!


Larry Amin's flying back to Mecca tonight
to see if he can make the numbers work.

He should have
an answer for us in days.

Tell him we need to know by Sunday.

Why would I do that,
my darling?

To call his bluff, damn it.
To light a fire under his ass.

My darling, we haven't
made a hit documentary in nine years.

Let's not fuck
with Larry Amin.

- Doubles.
- Explain it to him, will you, Eleanor.

- Screwdriver.
- He understands.

Amin needs to make a projection
of the world grosses...

to see if he can get a tax break
and run it through his output deal.

I don't understand,
but I can tell it's bullshit.

Oh, what the hell is-

Play the black jack on the red queen.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go on
an overnight drunk...

and in days I'm gonna set out to find
the shark that ate my friend and destroy it.

Anyone that would care to join me
is more than welcome.

Captain Zissou,
I'm sorry to bother you.

- I'm Ned Plimpton.
- Okay, man.

My mother's
Katherine Plimpton.

- You're kidding.
- No.

- How is she?
- She died last month.

Sorry. Shit.

She was -


I've heard of you.

I don't know if it's true or not,
by the way.

- Do you?
- No, I don't.

I haven't heard from her
in years.

I guess
it's too late now.

She never contacted me,
you know.

Yes, I see.

You're supposed to be
my son, right?

I don't know.

But I did want to meet you,
just in case.

I appreciate that.

I'll be right back.
Don't go away.


Fighting in the dance hall

Oh, man

Look at those cavemen go

It's the freakiest show

Take a look at the lawman

Beating up the wrong guy

Oh, man

Wonder if he'll ever know

He's in the best-selling show

Is there life on Mars

Sorry about that. You caught me with
one foot off the merry-go-round tonight.

Oh, that's all right. I don't wanna
take up too much of your time.

I wanna thank you
for talking to me.

- We'll find a way, mate.
- I know we will.

I just had a lovely chat
with Si Perlman.

He wants to make a big to-do
of the Oceanographic Explorer article.

Possibly give you
the front cover.

So do be nice to this girl,
Miss Winslett-Richardson, won't you?

she worships you...

and we dearly
need the press.

Oseary, this is, uh, probably my son, Ned.
We just met.

Ah. Uh, how delightful.

Anyway, his mother just died.

Plus, we're having some problems.

I just think it'd be a very special opportunity
for all of us, especially him.

- He needs this deal.
- Okay, bring him over.

Well, he's right here.

I'm sorry. How do you do?


- So, what do you do?
- I'm a pilot.

Air Kentucky.

Air Kentucky.

- Copilot, actually.
- Yeah. I don't know that one.

We hub out of Louisville.

Well, sure. There's some pretty country
in those parts. Landlocked.

I have to tell you, I've been a member
of the Zissou Society...

since I was .

Well, I'll be damned.
Look at that.

Wanna kill this?

Frankly, I'd better not.
I don't usually try grass.


Let me tell you about my boat.

The Belafonte was a long-range sub hunter
during the Second World War...

which we bought from the U.S. Navy
for $.

This is my mentor, Lord Mandrake.

He's dead now.

The sauna...

was designed by an engineer
from the Chinese space program...

and we keep a Swedish masseuse
on staff.

Here's where we do all our different
science projects and experiments and so on.

This is the kitchen...

which contains probably some of the most
technologically advanced equipment on the ship.

Eleanor put together a top-notch
research library for us...

with a complete first-edition
set of The Life Aquatic companion series.

We process our own rushes...

and keep a cutting room onboard
so we can do an assembly while shooting.

- I can't find them!
- Once again, please.

This is the observation bubble...

which I thought up
in a dream, actually.

Two albino scouts
swim with the ship.

They're supposedly
very intelligent...

although I've never
seen any evidence of it.

Here is the engine room.

The bearing casings aren't
supposed to look like that...

but we can't afford
to fix them this year.

Topside we've got the bridge,
the minisub, an old chopper...

and all kinds of radar and sonar
and underwater movie gadgets.

What happened to Jacqueline?

She didn't really love me.

Lord Mandrake.

It's wonderful.

- Very lifelike.
- I'm not crazy about it.

This guy's
a big-time asshole.

We were roommates
at the academy.

He used to be
married to Eleanor.

He hogs up
all the grant money.

You think you'll want to change your name?

- Ned?
- No, not the Ned part.

Unless you want to.

I meant your last name.
I thought you might like to let me give you mine.

- Ned Zissou.
- Ned Zissou. Exactly.

Or, if you want to,
you can change the first part too.

I would have named you Kingsley,
if I'd had a say in it.


I don't know.
Maybe I'll stick with Ned for now.

That's okay.

Anyway, I'll order you
some correspondence stock.

What are you doing? I ordered the wine.
Pour it over here, please.

He doesn't know
anything about wine.

Are those assholes
talking about me?


People say when someone
says something like that about you...

it's because
they're jealous.

But it still hurts.

It hurts bad.

That man was damn rude.
He can go straight to hell.

How did she die,
by the way, your mother?

She took her own life.

She took sleeping pills.

Why would she do that?

Well, she was in
a great deal of pain, you know.


I see. Yeah.

You know, my best friend
just got killed. Esteban.

Yeah, I know.

The old man.

Let's go to my island.

Well, I, uh - I have to be back
in Kentucky on Thursday.


That's okay.

Your cat's dead.

Which one?

I'm sorry.

What happened?

A rattlesnake bit it
in the throat.

Goddamn it, Eleanor,
why do you have to say it like that?

You couldn't try to break it
a little bit nicer?

She's a rich bitch,
you know.

She was raised by maids.

Her parents
paid for this island...

and two of
my worst movies.

People say she's the brains
behind Team Zissou.

People say a lot of things.

What kind of cat was it?

Who gives a shit?

I think it was a tabby.

Ned, wanna come inside,
we'll make up a room for you?

Steve, that reporter called.

Ned, wake up.

- Yes?
- I'm on the echo box.

Push the red button to answer. Throw on your slop
and meet me on the beach in minutes.

The white button? Okay.


Only twice before have I had
the good fortune to observe a rubber tide...

that rare occurrence when hundreds
of electric jellyfish...

spontaneously wash
onto a beachhead at once.

Bobby Ogata brings exactly this
to our attention tonight.

Steve, what produces
this effect of illumination?

Is there a chemical
inside the organism?

No, Ned.

Actually, it's the reflection of the moonlight
on their outer membranes.

That's a very good,
uh, ad-lib.

Klaus, come over here
and get a two-shot of me and Ned.

Ned, come in here.

Would you
like to join my crew?

- Would I like to -
- I want you on Team Zissou.

- I don't think I can do that.
- Why not?

Well, it's not my field.

- I don't have the background for it.
- No one here does.

Klaus used to be
a bus driver.

Wolodarsky was a high school
substitute teacher.

We're a pack of strays.
Don't you get it?

Steve, I'm not even
that strong a swimmer.

The answer's yes.

Well, it's got to be.

I'll order you a red cap
and a Speedo. Cut.

Klaus, why aren't you rolling?

- Could I have a word with you, please?
- Why aren't you getting this?

That was
a goddamn tearjerker.

- Why did you cut it, man?
- Because the sound is going to be shit.

He doesn't even know how
to hold a boom.

He doesn't know diddly-jack
about what we're doing.

Don't cut
unless I say "cut."

I've never seen
so many electric jellyfish in all my life!

Those are
Vietcong man-of-wars.

Oh, shit.
She's right.

I guess we'll have to
loop that line.

- Where'd you come from? You look pregnant.
- I am pregnant.

I'm not even going to ask what you men
are doing out here in your matching pajamas.

We're producing a film,
as a matter of fact. Who are you?

I'm Jane Winslett-Richardson.

- I'm the reporter from
the Oceanographic Explorer.
- Oh, yeah, sure.

- How'd you get out here?
- I hired some drunk in a fishing boat.

That would take four hours.
Why would you do that?

Because no one picked me up
at the f-ing airport!

Jesus Christ, Klaus.

One of my guys
was supposed to do that.

How long have you been working
with Zissou?

Uh, approximately-

Only minutes, actually.
I was hired during the scene on the beach.

He's Steve's son, supposedly.

You are? No, you're not.
He doesn't have one.

Well, we're not % sure about that yet.
We just met yesterday.

- Not this one, Klaus.
- Hmm?

You heard me.
Not this one.


- First thing in the morning, huh?
- Just print everything?

- Yeah. Tell 'em to push it a stop and a half.
- Okay.

What are you
gonna do with him?

Who? Ned?

What do you mean?

I don't understand
the question.

I offered him a spot
on the Belafonte.

He didn't take it, did he?

Of course he took it.

We're gonna put him
on the map, Eleanor.

We're gonna throw him
a life preserver.

I believe in this boy!


he looks up to me.

Yes, sir.

And McKinnon's willing to
take over my shuttle flights.

That's right.

Well, I just feel I need to
see this thing through, sir.

Thank you
for understanding.

I'll check in with the Louisville office
again next month.

"Any strong impression...

"since I had not, as they say...

"enough 'power of observation'...

"to isolate their sense of color.

"For a long time afterwards,
whenever I thought of her...

"the memory of those bright eyes
would at once present itself to me...

"as a vivid azure...

"since her complexion was fair.

"So much so that, perhaps if her eyes had
not been quite so black...

"which was what struck one most forcibly
on first meeting her...

"I should not have been, as I was...

so especially enamored
of their imagined blue -"

Hold it.

That's poetry?

No. It's a six-volume novel.

Oh, I see. You're gonna read
that whole thing to yourself out loud?

I'm not reading it to myself.
I'm reading it to him.

When did you learn
Zissou was your father?

- Does it freak you out for me to ask that?
- No, it doesn't.

But it's a difficult question.
I sorta pieced it together over the years.

Well, how did he
first contact you?

He didn't. I went looking for him
last month, after my mother died.

She had ovarian cancer
that spread to her stomach and liver.

She took her own life.


Well, good night, I guess.

Good night.

You mind if I stay
and listen for a little while?


Do you want me to catch you up
in the story?

No. I'll be able to figure it out.

I'll just catch as catch can.

They made these for about...

three and a half years
before they terminated my sponsorship.

These are great.

- May I turn this on?
- Fire one.

So, what happened,
in your opinion?

What are you
talking about?

Don't you think the public perception of
your work has altered in the last five years?

That's your first question?
I thought this was supposed to be a puff piece.

Should we come back to it?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Is it true that this is
going to be your last voyage?

No comment.

Who told you that?

No, goddamn it.
I'm - I'm only .

How about we start out
with some stock dialogue?

You know, favorite color- blue.
Favorite food - sardines.

How do you feel about part one
of your new film?

Why? How do you feel
about part one of my new film?

- Well, I'm honest, so -
- Just say it.

I thought aspects of it
seemed slightly fake.

- Wolodarsky?
- I'll take five, Steve.

How 'bout taking five?

Did it seem fake...

when my best friend was bitten in half
right in front of me...

then eaten alive,

I think you're a fake.

And I think
you're a phony...

and a bad reporter.

How does that feel?

Now tell me something.

Does this seem fake?

How dare you?

This entire article
was my idea.

- No one else gives a shit.
- What about Si Perlman?

Are you joking?
He's not even covering my expenses.

You're taking something
out on me.

Oh, stop crying.

What's the deal here?

I was only trying
to defend myself.

Well, you did
a great job.

I'm sure you'll make a terrific father.

So, you really think
you're a Zissou.

I don't know.

Well, you traveled a long way
for "I don't know," sonny.

That's true.
But it's important to me.

Yeah? Well, there are a lot of things that
are important to some people around here, sonny.

- Klaus, don't call me "sonny."
- And one more thing.

It's the Steve Zissou show,
not the Ned show.

- You hear me?
- Yes, I do.

- Klaus!
- Ja?

If you ever touch me again,
I will kick your goddamn teeth out.

Is that understood?

Not if I don't
see you first, sonny.

We gotta watch ourselves
around this Jane character.

Don't tell her
anything personal.

If you're not sure about something,
change the subject...

and look for me.

This bull dyke's got
something against us.

I don't think she's a lesbian.
She's pregnant.

Bull dykes can get pregnant.

Anyway, I'd back out now,
but we need the press.

See you in the morning.

- Steve.
- Hmm?

When'd you first
hear about me?

About five years ago.

I... read it in an article
about myself.

Did you believe it?

It was in the paper.
I assumed they checked their facts.

Why didn't you
contact me?

Because I hate fathers
and I never wanted to be one.

I forgot.
Your correspondence stock came in.

Hi, Ross. Started today.

I'll forward some pages to you
through the copy department.

You're probably right, though.

What am I doing here?

I miss you, and -

Oh, God,
I don't know, Ross.

Where are you?

Listen, I'm not
leaving this message.

Don't even know why
I'm still pregnant.

Script girl uses these
for continuity.

- Here.
- Oh, no, no, no.

No exceptions.
Everyone gets one.

Anne-Marie! Do the interns get glocks?

No. They all share one.

Take it, Ned.

- Steve!
- What?

Whack on the echo box.

Zissou here.

Steve, Oseary Drakoulias on line two.

- Yeah?
- I spoke with Larry Amin.

And it's a pass.

In other words,
you fucked us!

Let's not cast stones
at one another, my boy.

- Do you hear me, damn it? Do you?
- No, I don't!

- I told you how to play it!
- Oh, bloody hell! Listen here, mate!

Can I interrupt
for a moment?

Who the blazes is that?

It's me, Ned.

Maybe this is nothing.
Maybe it's something.

I don't know your problems.

I don't know.

But I just inherited

Would that amount
make any difference?

What sort of expression
is the lad wearing on his face?

Can you fly a chopper?

I have. I'm certainly not licensed
in any way, shape or form.

Great. Let's go.

When was this whirlybird
last serviced?

I don't know. Klaus is supposed to
check it every six months.

You're back
on the water, boys.

The wire transfer came straight through
from Kentucky.

Jackman and Wordsley are going to
gap-finance the rest.

But we have a few hooks on it,
so take a pew for a spell.

Number one, the bank want a drug screen
for everyone on the crew...

before they'll forward
the money.

- A piss test?
- Yes, a piss test.

Two, a stooge
from the bond company...

will be riding everywhere during
the whole shoot to keep you on budget.

- Who's the stooge?
- A chap by the name of Bill Ubell.

And there's not a damn thing
you can do about that, Steve.

Three, you must swear-
legally swear-

that you'll not kill that shark, or whatever it is,
if it actually exists.

I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live.
What about my dynamite?

Phillip, dynamite.
I'm off to Zurich. Follow me, chaps.

Mr. Ubell,
I'd like you to know...

Steve Zissou
and our equity partner Ned.

I hope you're not gonna
bust our chops, Bill.

Why would I do that?

Because you're a bond company stooge.

I'm also a human being.

All right. I take that back.


Let's have
some "teamsmanship."


- One, two, three.
- Come on.

One, two, three.

Attaboy. Attaboy. Here he is.

Here he is. Come on.
You okay, Ned? You okay?

All right. All right.
Give him some room. He's okay.

He just drank
a little too much water.

How you shooting this, Vikram?
Wide open?

Uh, light, ..

As always,
even in the most challenging circumstances...

the members of Team Zissou
find ways to keep morale high.

Wait. Hold it.

Is that a distress bark?

Is something wounded out there?

We quickly locate the source of the mysterious cry.

What is she, Steve?

A wild snow mongoose.

We thought they were extinct.

Her ankle's broken.

- Ogata.
- Yeah?

Run and get some hot milk
and put these guys in the incubator.

We radio for the emergency transport
of our rare, beautiful new friends.

That's what
it used to be like.

Had Ned's heart stopped beating
before you pulled him out of the water?

Had Ned's heart
stopped beating...

before we pulled him
out of the water?

Yes. But we got him
started again pretty quickly.

Don't go on this voyage
right now, Steve.

One of you's already dead,
after all.


Oh, you mean Esteban?

Thanks for
bringing that up.

Who's gonna tell us the Latin names
of all the fishes and everything?

You know I can't remember all that shit.

Please stop, Eleanor.
Eleanor, stop.

- Why are you leaving?
- Because I don't want to be
part of whatever's gonna happen.

Nobody knows
what's going to happen.

- And then we film it. That's the whole concept.
- That's how we've always done it.

I can't believe
you took that boy's money.

He's an investor.

He's my sidekick.

The sugar crabs are back.

They're early this year.

I've never seen them mating
before the solstice.

Is that mating?

Good-bye, Steve.

Don't say that,
even if it's true.

Don't say that.
It's too painful.

What do you
want me to say?

Say bon voyage.

Bon voyage.

Kingsley "Ned" Zissou, .

Junior-grade diving tech,
executive producer.

Energetic, spirited, youthful.

Normally we would
track the jaguar shark...

with a scanning monitor
we keep on board the Belafonte.

But its power tubes have seized up
and blown a gasket.

We now proceed...

to an advanced system
located on a colleague's offshore facility.

This will be Team Zissou's next stop.

See, Renzo?
This is what I'm talking about.

A relationship subplot.

There's chemistry
between us, you know.


- Here's a quote.
- Wait up. Who from?

"Zissou has an almost magical connection...

"to the life of the sea.

"He speaks its language fluently.

I've never met
a boy like that in all my life."

Lord Mandrake.

- You should have opened with that one.
- He was your mentor-

Hey, intern?
Get me a Campari, will ya?

On the rocks?

Wanna go up
in my balloon?

I like her hairdo.

Me too.
But Steve called her first.

I'm sorry I made you cry the other day.

Oh, that's okay.

It's not completely
your fault, anyway.

I'm going through
some personal problems.

Really? What do you got?

Well, I'm five months pregnant.

My editor's the father.
He's married.

But not to me.

That's a rough ticket.

You know, my first wife
left me when I was your age.

- What's "Deep Search"?
- My submarine.

I had this exact
image of you...

tacked up on the wall above my aquarium
all through primary school.

Oh, yeah? You mean the official photograph,
where I'm doing this?

- That's the one.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, maybe it's just me,
but I don't feel like that person.

I never did.

Here's to you
Nicola and Bart

Rest forever
here in our hearts

The last and final
moment is yours

Why did you abandon Ned?

I didn't.
I never even met him.

What kind of piece
are you writing, cubbie?

Are you gonna screw us
on this deal?

I hope not.

Here's to you
Nicola and Bart

You really think it's cool to hit the sauce
when you've got a bun in the oven?

Pele, bring us back down, please.

Is your triumph

I don't have a problem
with objective reporting.

What I have a problem with
is some wombat...

coming on my boat
trying to railroad me.

See if you can get one of these dolphins
to swim under the hull...

and give us a look.

Nah. Either they can't hear us,
or they don't understand.

Son of a bitch,
I'm sick of these dolphins.

Quiet out there tonight.

Can you hear
the jack-whales singing?

Beautiful. I wonder
what they're saying.

Well, that was the sludge tanker
over there, but -

There you go. That's them.

By the way, would you mind if I made a few
modifications to the Team Zissou insignia?

- I have some ideas -
- You mean the patch?

Yes. The insignia.

Yeah. It's probably
kinda dated, isn't it?

Sure. Take a crack at it.
Make it a little trendier.

All right.

Are you finding
what you were looking for...

out here with me?

I hope so.

I wrote you a letter
about years ago.

You mean, like,
a fan letter?

Did I write you back?

I try to answer as many personally as I can.

"Dear Ned Plimpton...

"First, in answer
to your question, always.

"Second, thank you very much
for naming your bug after me.

"My wife tells me
it is actually a type of gnat.

"You strike me as a very special boy
and a key member of the Zissou Society.

"I wish I could come visit you in Kentucky
and assist you with your work.

"I remember your mother.

"Take care of yourself, Ned Plimpton.
You've served well.

Your friend, Capt. Steve Zissou.
Dictated, but not read. "

Yeah, more or less
standard boilerplate, I guess.

There's some real high-tech gear...

inside this deal,
believe me.

First we go downstairs
and turn on that tracking system.

Then, as long as the batteries
on that homing dart haven't gone down -

- Who locked us out?
- No one. We're trespassing.

Steve, are we allowed in here?

It's a scientific community, man.

Captain, I am required by law...

to notify the bank
of any illegal activities.

Just do what you've gotta do
to cover your ass, Bill.

I got it.

Fuck! They wired it!

Klaus, go down and get me
some cable snippers.

This is Captain Hennessey.

You have trespassed
on a private facility.

The coast guard
is being alerted via satellite.

Again, this is Captain Hennessey.
Immediately leave the prem-

Okay, action.

Well, look who's
back in town.

You've traveled over miles
since we last heard from you.

This son of a bitch is heading for
the South Pacific.

Turn on your tape recorder, cubbie.

- Is it the jaguar shark?
- On the record, yes.

Cut. Print both takes, Vikram.

Was I...
just in the film?

Yeah. You're gonna
have to sign a release.

But you've actually
located the shark?

You'd better bet your fuckin' ass we did.

All right, everybody,
we got about to minutes...

before the coast guard
gets here to arrest us.

I want you all to get Hennessey's
best gear onto the Belafonte in .

- You're gonna steal his stuff?
- Nah, we'll get it back to him.

Interns, let's see some hustle.

Uh, what is this, Pele?

I don't know.
Uh, the map?

- Steve!
- Uh-huh?

Do you know that you just charted us
on a course through unprotected waters?

We're taking the shortcut.

But it's outside I.M.U.jurisdiction.
There isn't any protection.

I know, honey.
Look at the map.

We go your way,
that's about four inches.

We go my way, it's an inch and a half.
You wanna pay for the extra gas?

What kind of system is this?

It's the Bernstein Nines.
They just upgraded last summer.

The Nines are out already?

- Does this do cappuccino?
- Ja.

Wait a second.
Steve, this isn't the procedure.

One of the interns just fell down
the stairs with the main tracking processor.

Just make sure
we steal the backup.

Are you listening to me? Eleanor told me
that under no circumstances-

Shut up before
you jinx us, Anne-Marie.

- You catching anything?
- Mm-mmm.

Hook this up
and make me a latte.

You know, cubbie's
kind of a sucker-maker...

but she's got some moves.

I agree.

If she wasn't a bull dyke,
I think I might have a bit of a thing for her.

As you can see...

if the creature continues
its current migratory route...

our paths should converge
in less than four days.

I wanna get there in three.
Ogata, can we -

Vladimir, what's this blip right over here?

I don't know.
I've been trying to figure that out.

We might have them both mixed up,
or it could be the other way around.

But we're gonna be right on top of it
first thing in the morning.


- Good eye, Ned.
- Thank you.

Should we investigate it?

Yeah. Let's make a quick dive at : a.m.,
and we'll scope out the phantom signal.

- It's probably just one of
Hennessey's research turtles.
- Yes.

But I wanna be
back on the road by lunch.

Do me a favor.

Next time you get a hot idea
in front of the reporter...

whisper it
in my ear first.

Otherwise I look like
kind of a daydream johnny. You know?

Daydream johnny, yes.

You let him change your name?

Well, we changed it together.

- What was it before?
- Edward Plimpton.

That's a million times better.
Change it back, Ned.

I really don't see you
as a Kingsley Zissou.

Do you think Steve and I
have a family resemblance?


I guess it doesn't
really matter anyway.


I stole it back.

I strung it on some peppermint
dental floss...

in case you wanna
wear it like a necklace.

Happy with the piece, Jane?

What are you
doing in here?

Am I? No.

Put that down.

I assume I'm Mr. Z.

I'm sorry that you think
my red hat is, uh-

What's the word you use?

And that...

"The Zissou of my childhood represents
all the dreams I've come to regret."

What? Why?

I'm going to have to start
locking my f-ing door.

It was locked.
I kicked it in.

Why don't you just curse
like other people?

Because I'm trying to get out of the habit
before I have my fucking baby!

That makes sense.

Well, please
clean up your room anyway.

- It looks like a goddamn typhoon hit it.
- Get out!

Please don't make fun of me.
I just wanted to flirt with you.

I'll have an intern
come and fix the door.

This is a message
from the I.M.U. coast guard.

Apparently some crooked fuckers
broke into my sea lab yesterday.

How awful.
Did they nick anything?

It doesn't say.
They probably just trashed the place.

I'm so pissed
I wanna spit.

Hugo -
tell Carl to load my elephant gun...

with buckshot.

We're gonna hunt down
these sickos.

Supposedly Cousteau
and his cronies...

invented the idea of putting walkie-talkies
into the helmet.

But we made ours with
a special rabbit ear on the top...

so we could pipe in
some music.

Let's start with the reverse.

Okay, roll it, Vikram.

Would it be possible for me to
address you as Dad in this scene?

No. Why?

Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
I forgot. I - I'm sorry.

Where are you coming from,
jack off? Shit.

It's not a bad impulse though.
Some kind of nickname.

Not that one. It's too specific,
but try to think of something else.

Another name?

How about Stevesy?

That's good. Try it.
What were you gonna say before?

Good luck, Stevesy.

Let's go.

Okay, action.

Look, Ned.
There's a sunken airplane down there.

Let's check it out.

We examine the crash site, but are careful
not to disturb the forensic evidence.

- How was that?
- Not bad.

The first take was
a little faster.

- Is that yours?
- Klaus.

- Klaus.
- Ja?

May I have a word
with you, please?


- Why'd you do that?
- Because I owed you one.

But you gave me
a warning already.

- You stood up for yourself.
- I still owed you one.

- And now I owe you one.
- No. Now we're even.

Why are you doing this?
He's not my father, you know. I don't have that.

What are you talking about?

"We're even," damn it.
That's it!

No, it was like a beat-up
little jalopy.

I don't know what you'd call it.
You didn't see it?

I didn't see it, boss.

Well, keep your eyes peeled.

Klaus, check who's on watch.
I'll be in the sauna.

Pele and -

Who the shit is
Kingsley Zissou?

- Is that him?
- Mm-hmm. That's him.

I've never felt a baby
in someone's stomach before.

I think you'll make
a very good single mother.

- Thanks.
- Although it does put you both
at a tremendous disadvantage.

You know...

Steve's got a little bit
of a thing for you.

Why do you say that?

Because he told me.


I thought he hated my guts.

Well, I think you hurt his feelings,
but that doesn't mean -

He says I hurt
his feelings?

So... f'd up.

Five, four

Three, two

- Yeah?
- Steve, would you please open the door?


Jane, is, uh, Ned in there?

Stevesy, what's happenin'?

Are those hijackers?

Well, we call them pirates
out here, Ned.

You were supposed to be
on watch, by the way.

Oh, my God.
You're right. Stevesy, look.

Whoa. No.

So, tell me, you were reading
to each other in French?

No, it's in English.
It was translated.

Well, you know, you're not supposed to
go into each other's cabins on a boat.

- Why not?
- It's just kind of...

an unwritten maritime rule
when you're at sea.

Especially the goddamn lookout.

- I'm so sorry.
- So am I.

You hung us out to dry.

If we don't handle
this right...

we're gonna all
get murdered.

Including her unborn British child.

I'm gonna kill you
for that, asshole!

I'm gonna hit you so fuckin' hard
you'll be blind!

Please don't hurt him.

Watch me. I'll let you know
when I'm gonna make a move.

Steve, it's way safer for us
to just do what they say.

They probably just want
our money and jewels and shit.

Yeah. Then how am I gonna
finish my movie then?

Jesus holy f-

They're going to
kill us, Steve.

All right. I'm pattin' you on the back
right now, Klausie.

Don't be scared.
I'm gonna get us through this, everybody.

Ogata, como esta, pal?

Wake up, Ned-o.
I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I need to speak with
the man in charge, fellas.

Don't point that gun at him.
He's an unpaid intern.

Vikram, what kind of
coverage you gettin'?

I just kept it rolling till
they put this hood over my head.

Bill speaks their language.
What are they saying, Billy?

Hold on.

Okay. Apparently they're taking a hostage.
Obviously they've chosen Ned -

Uh, now that they've found out
that I speak Filipino...

they seem to be changing their minds.

- Do you have a vault? They want
to know if there's a vault.
- There's no vault.

Our vault contains
at least different currencies...

from all over the world at any given moment...

and we are prepared for
every kind of financial necessity.

There goes Ned's inheritance.

Tell them if they don't
get off my boat right now...

there's gonna
be a major shit-storm.

Ned-o, can you hear me?

We'll get ya back, Billy. Is everybody else safe?
Anne-Marie, are you okay, honey?

No, I'm not. I told you these were
unprotected waters.

What a fuckin' nightmare.

Be cool on this shit,
okay, cubbie?

I mean, at least try
to show both sides.

I need to find a baby
for this father.

Yeah, I think I know
what you mean.


Here we go.

- Steve, what are you going -
- I said get your ass...

the hell off of my boat!

I'm a street-walking cheetah
with a heart full of napalm

I'm a runaway son of the nuclear A-bomb

I am a world's forgotten boy

The one who searches and destroys

Honey, gotta help me, please

Somebody gotta save my soul

Baby, detonate for me

Look out, honey
'cause I'm usin' technology

Ain't got time to make no apology

I've never seen a bond company stooge
stick his neck out like that.

What's that sound?

- Is that-
- The Arctic Night-lights. Yeah.

"As if the natural world's been
turned upside down." Lord Mandrake.

Vikram, get some cutaways
of this miracle.

Klaus, Ogata, put out
the deck fires before we sink.

Those fucking amateurs.

You left your dog, you idiots.

Wrap this stiff in a tablecloth.
We're gonna bury him at sea.

Shouldn't we give him
to the authorities or something?


I'll write up a few words
to read over him.

How ya holdin' up there, intern?
Doin' okay?

Ned, how many fingers
am I holdin' up?

I don't know.
That's not my job.

Too many to tell.

- How many fingers -
- He's gonna be just fine.

I believe it's criminal
that Steve allowed this to happen to us...

by which I mean illegal.

We're being led on an illegal suicide mission
by a selfish maniac.

I hear what you're saying,
but I think you misjudge the guy.

Saint Paul said
to the Corinthians...

"Without kin, no man may
regard himself kindly. Without s -"

Holy shit!
Son of a bitch. Cut.

This is Captain Hennessey.
We've come in response to your distress signal.

Remain calm until -

Good God.
Is that you, Steven?

Ogata, run downstairs and put a tarp over
anything that says "Operation Hennessey" on it.

What about this guy?

Just throw him over
the other side.

Your engine blew up,
and all your fuel's been stolen. Is that correct?

- Uh-huh.
- I certainly know how you feel.

Some crooked fuckers
just stripped my sea lab, you know.

Probably the same dudes.

I can tow you as far as

I'll need your signature on that invoice first.

It accounts for the expenses of the rescue
operation as well as my time and that of my crew.

This is more than the budget
of my whole project.

It's an estimate.
Uh, what's your dog's name?


Be still, Cody.

I have to run this by
my bond company stooge.

- He's been kidnapped.
- That's true.

- I have to rescue him first.
- Well, sign it now, or I'm leavin' you out here.

Oh. I dined with Eleanor
last weekend, by the way.

She's summering at my villa
in West Port-au-Patois, don't you know.

Say, how's Team Zissou
holdin' up without her?

The first thing that goes through
a captain's head...

when he hears there's low morale
goin' around is:

"What'd I do?
Is it all my fault?"

Well, he's probably right.

Most of us have been
together a long time.

There are others
that were here before that.

Do you all
not like me anymore?

I mean, what am I supposed to do?
I don't know.

Look, if you're not
against me...

don't cross this line.

If yes, do.

I love you all.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, I am.

- I don't understand. Why?
- What do you mean?

Wait a second. What are we doing?
You said cross the line if-

- Cross the line if you're going to quit.
- Oh.

Do it again.
I misunderstood.

Hi, Ross.

I got your corrections on the proofs.
They're fine, but...

I'm not coming back.

It's over.
Please don't try to contact me, okay?

You'll hear from us sometime.

We got attacked by pirates.

I feel as if life is -

Well, you get the idea.
Anyway, take care of yourself. Jane.

Will you write to me?

Of course.
Give me the address.

Well, actually, I went ahead and stamped
and self-addressed...

or so envelopes
just to...

make it easier for you.

I'll use them.

Each one has three
blank pages in it, and...

here's a pen.

Maybe I'm going to write you
a letter right now.


Bet I'm gonna
really miss you, Ned.

I'm gonna miss you too.

In fact, I feel like -

I don't know. I feel like
my heart's almost getting broken.

I guess I'm overreacting.

Is that really true?

Yes, it is.

That was all
off the record, cubbie.

That whole deal.

Actually, I'm surprised
you didn't cross the line yourself.

- What line?
- The line I drew on the deck just now.

- You weren't up there?
- No.

You're kidding.

That was one of the most dramatic things
that's ever happened on this boat.

I just lost all my best interns.

I thought you were supposed to be
covering this story.

- You just said it was all off the record.
- Yeah, but you didn't know that.

Well, I was down here packing.

Flipped the wrong breaker.

So, you are leaving.

You're jumpin' ship on me.

I'm going to scrap
the article.

You mean you're not even gonna
write the cover story on me?

Man, I just don't have
any stature anymore.

Sorry, Steve.
Everything just got too weird. That's all.

But I gave you a goddamn
showstopper up there.

Are you sleeping with Ned?

That's none of
your business.


- Are ya?
- No, I'm not.

You're gonna miss
the jaguar shark.

Or whatever it is
if it actually exists.

Are you crying?

You cry easily, don't you?

Bloody hell. God save that poor little stooge.

- This never would have happened
if Eleanor was with us.
- Thanks, man.

Your luck had better
damn well change soon, mate.

Now, I must away.
I'll send you a postcard from my travels.

Wh -Wait.
Where are you goin'?

Abroad for a spell, my darling.
It's my passport status, you see.

I'm X- at the moment.
Legally, I'm a fugitive.

Wait a second.
They stole my budget...

my boat's broken,
you're ditchin' me up the creek.

What am I supposed
to do here?

Well, I must say,
nothing's jumping to mind.

Phillip, any suggestions?
No, he's shaking his head.

Land ho! Port-au-Patois dead ahead!

Port-au-Patois! Port-au-Patois!

Ho! Ho!


Land ho! Ho!

No. I can't give you full credit,
but I'm not gonna flunk you either.

You're all getting incompletes.

This is bullshit.

Oh, shit.
What do you want?

Do you mind if I butter you up a little bit
before I answer that question?

Yes, I do.
Tell me now.

I need some money
to get the boat out of hock...

and rescue my bond company stooge
who got kidnapped.

Could we ask your parents
to loan it to me?



Could I go ahead
and butter you up anyway?

It took me two and a half hours
to get out here.

- Who's that dude?
- That's my research assistant, Javier.

Javier, presento Steve.


Necesito cinco minutos,
por favor.

You know, I'd be jealous
about you staying at Allie's place...

except I always thought
he was kind of a closet queer.

So how's your father-son
relationship coming along?

Well, nobody has a real lock on any of this,
so I don't know how it all times out.

I mean, I know I want him
to think of me like a father.

But the fact that there's
an outside chance...

that he could really be
my actual...

biological son...

is very difficult for me.

You know I'm not big
on apologizing.

So I'll just skip it
if it's all the same to you.

- Okay.
- Anyway, I'm sorry.

I know I haven't been
at my best this past decade.

That's true.

What happened to me?

Did I lose my talent?

Am I ever gonna be
good again?

I don't know.

Doesn't matter anyway.

It's probably the last adventure
I've got in me.

I was hopin' to go out
in a flash of blazes...

but I'll probably just
end up goin' home.

Unless you're plannin'
to sell the island.

I wonder how much
I could get for it.

In this market?

You were probably right all along.
We should've had a kid together.

Of course...

you were kind of already...

on the edge of bein' too old.

Unless maybe that's a cop-out.

It's worse than a cop-out.
I was .

It's good to see ya, Eleanor.

I'm about to blow my stack.

I turn my back,
and the bullshit begins.

Ned, you're a scumbag.

And, Jane,
you're a goddamn liar.

What the fuck
are you doing in here?

What the "F"
are you doing in here?

I warned you about
being in other people's cabins.

You were supposed to go home.

Well, you convinced me to stay
and finish the story.

- Is it still the cover?
- I don't fucking know.

Don't you dare
put on that uniform.

It's all I have with me.

I told you I have
a bit of a thing for her.

"Not this one," I said.

You said,
"Not this one, Klaus."

So you heard me.

You're too old for me, Steve.

Well, you're pregnant.

Can I have a word
with you privately?


Follow me.

Are you two fighting?

I'll deal with you later.

Look, Steve.
I know we both like her...

and you're angry and embarrassed,
but leave her out of it.

You think that's what
this is about?

Shit, Ned.
What has that bull dyke been telling you?

All right. I'm gonna warn you now.
Be a gentleman.

What are you doin' here?
I thought all you interns ran out on me.

I want to help you
find that shark.

Goddamn it.
Thank ya, intern.

- You're gettin' an "A."
- His name's Nico.

- Who?
- Hello, Vikram.

Give me that camera.
I'm gonna smash it over your head.


I misread you, man.

I'm gonna have to
rethink some shit.

You don't know me.
You never wanted to know me.

I'm just a character
in your film.

It's a documentary.
It's all really happening.

Well, damn you for that.

Go to bed,
you sons of bitches.

That pregnant slut's been playin' us
like a cheap fiddle.

That's it.
I'm gonna fight you, Steve.

You never say,
"I'm gonna fight you, Steve."

You just smile
and act natural...

and then you
sucker punch him.

- You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
- Oh, listen, Ned.

Don't you try to -

I think your Team Zissou ring
might've caught me on the lip.

You call yourself
my son, but...

I just don't see it.

It's nothin' personal.

What do you want?


That's so arrogant.

That's - Screw off.

I can't believe I asked
if I could call you Dad.

- Of course you said no.
- I let you call me Stevesy. It sounds better.

It doesn't mean
the same thing.

A week before
she killed herself...

my mother told me that you'd known about me
since the day I was born.

Is that a fact?

That's a fact.

I ought to have stayed
in Kentucky where I belong.


Somebody pay for
this water taxi.

You got any petty cash on you?

Remind me to send Eleanor's parents a thank-you
note on the good correspondence stock.


This is the message we received
earlier tonight...

on our answering machine
at Pescespada Island.

Bill Ubell here. I'm on a pay phone.

I am still blindfolded.
My arms are bound.

But a young boy
has been kind enough to assist me.

There's not much chance
I'll get another opportunity to call...

so I thought
I would ask if-

What? No.

Well, thanks for
checkin' in, Bill.

Next time maybe you could let us know
where you're at.

Based on the quality of
the connection...

the variety of wildlife
in the background...

and the elapsed time between Mr. Ubell's capture
and this message...

there's a good chance
he's on one of the Ping Islands.

There used to be a four-star hotel
on Little Ping.

But the entire island
was destroyed by a monsoon five years ago.

It's been uninhabited
ever since.

I know the place.
Hotel Citroen.

Cubbie, I'd like to speak
on the record for a moment.

Eleanor has always been
the brains behind Team Zissou.

By the way...

are you gonna put in a good description
of the command center I've set up down here?

Okay, gang. That's the plan.
Set a course for Ping Island, full speed ahead.

You'll need to hire a team of mechanics
to rebuild the engine first, of course.

I know.
I'm saying after that.

Just because I've decided to save your neck again
and help you do this rescue...

doesn't mean
you've won me back.

Yes, ma'am.


- Is the father out of the picture?
- Mm-hmm.

Actually, I was sort of terrified
about having this baby.

And right now I'm not
really scared of anything.

- Maybe it's my hormones.
- That makes sense.

I'm going to tell you
something confidentially...

which won't be
mentioned again.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person
who can say this, including Steve.

Never mind how I found out.
I'm a scientist.

It's the thing that puzzles me
about Ned's situation.

- What is it?
- Zissou shoots blanks.


I think maybe it's because
he spent half his life underwater.

Let's try track three
against picture.

A treacherous reef surrounds the Ping Islands...

warning intruders
to keep their distance.

Today we discover
one of its victims off the coast of Ping Three.

Our colleague Alistair Hennessey
and his crew are nowhere to be found.

We will land at dawn.

Not bad. We'll temp it
with that, anyway.

All right. Let's go!

Oh, shit.
Swamp leeches.

Everybody, check for swamp leeches,
and pull them off.

Nobody else got hit?
I'm the only one? What's the deal?

What a shame.

They had a bartender here, Kino,
made the best rum cannonball I've ever tasted.

You ready, Vikram?

Five-six and a half.

All right.
Shall we do this?

The barometer's falling.
It's gonna rain in five minutes. We gotta be quick.

- Well, where are they?
- Unknown. Split into two groups.

I'll take Ned, Ogata
and Wolodarsky.

Thanks. Thanks a lot
for not picking me.


We're smack in the middle
of a lightning-strike rescue op, Klaus.

- What's the deal?
- I'm sick of being on "B" Squad.

Listen. You may be on "B" Squad,
but you're the "B" Squad leader.

Don't you know me and Esteban
always thought of you as our baby brother?

I've always thought of
you two as my dads.

Please don't let anyone
make fun of me for saying so.

I can't guarantee that,
Klausie, but I'll try.

Can we get on with
the maneuvers now?

you got something?

Not yet.

Anybody see anybody?


- Klaus, pirates?
- Zip.

I think this whole place
is deserted.

Shit! We played a bum hunch.

Fuck. Okay, let's not
get down on ourselves.

We still got two more
Ping Islands to check out...

except I don't know if we have
enough gas to do it.

Damn it, Steve.

This sucks.

I'm disappointed in myself.

My first wife, Jacqueline, and I
spent our honeymoon here.

Things are
pretty different now.

All right.
Let's check out.

Did you get that, Vikram?

- Uh, yeah.
- Good.

We'll give them
the reality this time.

A washed-up old man
with no friends...

no distribution deal,
wife on the rocks...

people laughin' at him,
feelin' sorry for himself.

Can I have a word alone
with my son, please?

- Are you all right?
- Not really.

By the way, I've been tryin'
to think of a nickname...

that might mean
the right thing.

I came up with Papa Steve.

I'm sorry I never acknowledged
your existence all those years.

It won't happen again.
I mean it.

You are my son to me.

Almost more so.

See, for me to meet a guy like you
at this time in my life -

I don't know.
Uh, it's just -

I want to communicate
my feelings to you...

but... I think I might
start to cry.

That's okay.


There's something
in the coat check.

Hey, Billy.
You okay?

- Did you get my message?
- Yeah. It was kind of garbled.



These pirates are monsters.

Well, yeah, but remember I shot one of their guys
in the neck last week and killed him...

so I think
we're okay too.

Where's Cody?


Are you rescuing me?


Bring the dynamite!

They're in there after all. Run! Go!

Move! Now!

Vikram got some great footage of your boat
out there. I guess it's totaled, huh?

Perhaps, but we're extremely
well insured.

I'll probably come out ahead
in the end.

Although we'll obviously have to crew up
from scratch next time.

They made soup out of my research turtles.

Ogata, give some
first aid to Pele.

Klausie, Ned-o...

dig in here,
and hold these rustlers off...

while I call in
the rendezvous.

We'll meet on the beach.

You're "A" Squad.

Renzo. Renzo. Renzo.
Anybody. Hello. Hello.

This gizmo's out of juice.


No. Captain.

That's Cedric.
He's a friend.

Merci, Cedric.

Remind me.
We'll send him a red cap and a Speedo.

Wolodarsky, go get the keys to that fishing boat,
and throw them in the water.

No, wait. They might have
another set. Just blow it up.

Hey, Ned. It looks like
we recovered your inheritance.


That's it.
I'm retired.

Oh, no. We forgot Cody. We gotta go back.

Good-bye, Cody.

See, this represents
the Belafonte.

And here's
Pescespada Island.

And that circle represents

And the "K" here
stands for Klaus.

Where's your symbol, Ned?

Oh, I didn't want to
impose myself.

Klaus is right.
The flag needs a Ned symbol.

Ah, I suppose we could put an "N"
on the side of that octopus.

What's that stand for
over there?

That's Esteban.

Well, it was workin' okay
until late last night...

but now the whole tracking system's gone
completely on the fritz.

Screw it. We'll sell it for scrap
along with the boat and the submarines.

I'm goin' home.

Let's take up the whirlybird
and see what we find out there anyway.

I got a feelin' we can spot this fish
from feet up.

Ned, I don't know
if I ever even saw the bastard.

I have $ invested
in this damn production.

Somethin' ate Esteban,
didn't it?

Now lead!


Right? Ho!

See the dwarfs
and see the giants


Which one would you choose to be

And if you can't get that together

Here's the answer
Here's the key

You can freeze like a century man

- Like a century man
- What's that?

A letter from Jane.

What does she say?

Nothin' to speak of.

Thank you for putting me
on the flag, Ned.

Of course, Klaus.
It was my pleasure.

Yeah, but you stitched me
onto the dolphin...

and I want you to know
how much that means to me.

- Well, I'm very pleased you liked it.
- Y-You're not listening.

I didn't just like it.

- You understand?
- Yes, I do.

- Thank you, Klaus.
- Play it cool

Like a century man

Be a century man

I've still got yours, of course.

My what?

Dear Captain Zissou.

I am years old
and live in Jawbone, Kentucky.

A creek runs behind our house
where I live with my mother.

She met you once some years ago...

and I collect and catalog amphibians,
reptiles and insects.

I don't know what this one is called,
so I named it myself.

You are probably my one of,
if not the, favorite person I've ever studied.

I plan to be either,
"A, "an oceanographer...

"B, "an architect, "C, "a pilot.

Thank you very much for your good work.

Sincerely, Ned Plimpton,
Blue Star Cadet, Zissou Society.

P.S. Do you ever wish
you could breathe underwater?

I still wish
I could breathe underwater.

Me too, Ned.

- Fluorescent snapper!
- What?

Really? What's that?

- A good sign. The last time
we saw that big shitkicker, he -

Somethin' popped up there,
didn't it?

I heard a pin snap loose
in the rotator mechanism.

This is gonna hurt.



- Ned!
- Hey, Stevesy.

Are you okay?

I think I'm okay.

What happened?
Did we hit something?

Most likely not.

I think maybe
the pushrod failed.

I'm sorry, Ned. I should've scrapped
this chopper years ago.

You know, maybe
I should've autorotated...

and performed a high bank
through our descent.

We might've crashed
a little softer.

Probably wouldn't have made
any difference though.


Should I try to hide

The way I feel inside

My heart for you

Would you say that you

- Jedidiah said to the Israelites -
- Would try to love me too

In your mind could you ever be

Really close to me

I can tell the way you smile

If I feel that I could be certain then

I would say the things
I want to say tonight

- But till I can see
- All hands bury the dead.

That you'd really care for me

I will dream

That someday you'll be
really close to me

I can tell the way you smile

If I feel that I
could be certain then

I would say the things
I want to say tonight

But till I can see

That you'd really care for me

I'll keep tryin' to hide
the way I feel inside

When I live my dream

This is the first time Eleanor's ever cried
in front of me as long as I've known her.

Except for once when she got
her arm caught in the deck winch.

Is this my espresso machine?

Wh-What is - How did you get
my espresso machine?

Well, uh...

we fuckin' stole it, man.

Allie, why don't you go powder your nose.
I need to talk to your ex-wife.

We've never made
great husbands, have we?

Of course, I have a good excuse.
I'm part gay.

Supposedly everyone is.

I never told you this,
but I was hoping...

we might get the chance
to adopt Ned.

I think he would've
wanted it that way.

- Would you have gone along with me on that?
- He was Steve.

- But I'd have considered it.
- Thanks, Eleanor.

We're a dying breed.


I guess we were all right
while we lasted though, weren't we?

Oh, we were like
glory's gate, my darling.

We were like
that bloody shark of yours.

We swam with the, um, uh -

Oh, goddamn it.
I had it on the plane.

What was I gonna say?
Ah, well.

- It's good to see you.
- How's your passport status?

Much better, thank you.
I'm back down to X-.

Tell me. Who knocked up
the reporter?

I don't know.

By the way, thanks for showing me
the first draft.

You read it.
What did you think?

Well, I was a little
embarrassed at first.

Obviously people are gonna think
I'm a showboat and a little bit of a prick.

But then I realized...

that's me.

I said those things.
I did those things.

I can live with that.

You're a good writer, Jane.

It's the f-ing cover.


Excuse me.

Excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt...

but we just got the scanning
monitor back up...

and it looks like the jaguar shark,
or whatever it is that we're tracking...

is in a trench
on the far side of the reef.

What the hell is going on in here?

Cheap wiring.

Anybody feel like
going for a ride?

"Ned's Theme." Take one.

I hooked a rhinestone bluefin on a rope
to give him something to eat.

Is that one of mine?

I think one of
my research turtles survived.

Looks good.

Is that him?

That's him, Klaus.

Are we -Are we safe in here?

I doubt it.

You still want to
blow him up?

No. We're out of
dynamite anyway.

It is beautiful, Steve.

Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it?

I wonder if it remembers me.

In years
he'll be and a half.

That was my favorite age.

Like this?

Just like that.

You do it too.

We complete the adventure...

but another number
of our crew has been lost.

This one was my son.

Also our equity partner.

We start the voyage home
in our wounded vessel.

- Ho.
- Ho.

This is an adventure.

Ah, yeah

Oh, yeah

I'm up on the th floor
and I'm watching the cruisers below

He's down on the street
and he's trying hard to pull sister Flo

Oh, my heart's in the basement
My weekend's at an all-time low

'Cause she's hoping to score
so I can't see her letting him go

Walk out of her heart
Walk out of her mind

I've lost her

She's so swishy
in her satin and tat

In her frock coat
and bippity-boppity hat

Oh, God
I could do better than that

Oh, yeah

She's an old-time ambassador
of sweet-talking night-walking games

And she's known in the darkest clubs
for pushing ahead of the dames

If she says she can do it
then she can do it

She don't make false claims

But she's a queen
and such are queens

That your laughter
is sucked in their brains

Now she's leading him on
and she'll lay him right down

Yeah, she's leading him on
and she'll lay him right down

But it could have been me
Yes, it could have been me

Why didn't I say
Why didn't I say

No, no, no

She's so swishy
in her satin and tat

In her frock coat
and bippity-boppity hat

Oh, God
I could do better than that

So I lay down a while
and I gaze at my hotel wall

Oh, the cot is so cold
it don't feel like no bed at all

Yeah, I lay down a while
and look at my hotel wall

And he's down on the street

So I throw both his bags down the hall

And I'm phoning a cab
'cause my stomach feels small

There's a taste in my mouth
and it's no taste at all

It could have been me
Oh, yeah, it could have been me

Why didn't I say

Why didn't I say
No, no, no

She's so swishy in her satin and tat

In her frock coat
and bippity-boppity hat

Oh, God
I could do better than that

You betcha

Oh, yeah



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